Good morning girlfriends! *snap snap fingers* lol!
How are you today?
I did overtime work yesterday with the construction area managers and our AVP because we had to finish this report. I left the office around 9pm na siguro. And now, it's not even 7am and yet I'm at the office na. I'm such a loser hahaha!
One of my colleagues was asking me, where do I get the energy and the enthusiasm daw for work. Taka siya kasi energy kung energy ang peg ko. First, I am happy because they see me as that kind of person despite the ngaragness I feel inside. Second, the answer is Red Bull and Vodka Tonic.
No, seriously, I also don't know the answer eh. Maybe because I like what I'm doing? Or talagang I try my best to be positive around people here? Sino naman kasi ang may gustong kasama eh yung napaka-nega diba? You're tired and stressed na nga sa work tapos kausap mo nega pa? Kaya siguro may mga nagreresign. Joke.
Anyways, I know of this somebody here. She's really sweet and whenever I see her she would smile at me and say, "Good morning Ma'am Fleur!". Ang gaan gaan niya. And then just yesterday I found out from one of the social media sites, may cancer pala mommy niya. Imagine?! I wouldn't have guessed she had problems at home by just looking at her. I admire people like her who knows how to carry their problems.
That's what I'm talking about. Why would you spread negativity around eh pwedeng pwede naman na positive tayo lagi. Oo you have problems but strangers and acquaintances do not need to know that except if you want them to. Sino ba naman dito ang walang problema di ba? Once you try smiling and being happy, you would forget (kahit momentarily) what you are sad about. Believe me, it will help you concentrate more on your work and it will help you save your sanity.
Natatawa nga ako when I hear girls say that they're depressed. Depressed?! Honey, you have no idea what you are talking about. Depression is something I know because I went through that shit in 2004. Because of my numerous hospitalization due to dehydration because I have the weirdest tummy ever (I keep on throwing up), I had what they call a chemical imbalance. Because of this, I had anxiety depression (at least that was how I understood it back then). I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist to have clinical depression. Hindi ko choice ma-depress that time. I had no problems. I had money. I had a boyfriend. I had friends. It was just sickness that needed to be cured.
Alam naman natin in our present society, people thinks that people who have what I had is nag-iinarte lang. It's difficult to explain this sickness to people who do not have it. For almost one year, nakatulala lang ako. All I wanted was to sleep and cry for no reasons at all. I didn't like to eat. I lost interest in stuff I liked doing before (pati shopping teh! I swear!). I palpitated all the time because of anxiety. I even thought of suicide. Ganyan. Akala ng nanay ko nasisiraan na talaga ako ng bait. Ako, who was really outgoing, ma-gimik, madaldal, ay parang nagmorph into somebody they didn't know. Again, I didn't choose that. What was happening was against my will. I can't do anything but to drink Lexotan, Remeron and fight it.
My psychiatrist that time, who was charging me 2,000 pesos per session (sessions were 3x a week for the first few months) told me that a lot of people experience this. It's not a sign of weakness daw. He has politicians, actors, high profiled people as clients. The important thing daw is that you admit that you have it and have yourself treated. Dito lang naman ata sa Pinas taboo yung mga psychiatrists eh.
Anyways, he also said that a change of environment would be good for me. Okay na okay ako dun as long as it would mean I would stop seeing him already because namumulubi na si Papa sa kanya lol. This was the reason why I stayed with my dad in Amsterdam that year.
In fairness, gumaling naman ako. But it was really hard. Nobody could help you except for yourself. It took me a year to overcome it and to withdraw from my medicines. There were times that I thought I was okay and then I get a relapse. I thank talaga the people around me then. Lalo na the boyfriend that I was going out with that time. Grabe tinyaga sa akin nun. Tatayuan ko sana ng rebulto kaso lang he's now happily married kaya nakakahiya, tantanan na lang natin siya =))
Unknown to others, Alvin came over my house during that time. May girlfriend ang lolo mo noon, tumakas lang. He talked to me (because I wasn't talking nga di ba?). He told me to fight it and not do anything stupid. Once he finds out that I did that, cancelled na ang pact namin that we'll marry each other when I turn 28. Eh malandi talaga lola niyo. Hindi ko nga ginawa. Good thing I didn't too =)
Omigod ang layo na ng narating natin. Nakwento ko na naman buong buhay ko. But I hope you learned from what I went through. Maybe that is also the reason why I try my best now to be happy and be positive the whole time. I don't want to go back and experience that all over again. I hated it. In my subconscious I wanted to get well but my body was not cooperating. Nakakaloka.
When you feel sad, think of others who have worse problems that you. Yung iba nga diyan walang makain eh. So smile smile smile ang gawin niyong peg everyday. It can work wonders for your face and how you project yourself to other people =)
This is what I'm wearing today.
Don't forget our mantra girls: Ang babaeng masungit ay papangit *smile*
Happy Tuesdays everyone!